Z3PHQU3L;

2010-03-16T22:37:00.002+08:00

Can't go online often now.
Left the laptop at home for sis to use.
So once in awhile, I'll borrow my cousin's laptop to use.

And boy, is it fun to use.
Windows 7 and all that.
*But mac still owns IMO*

Anyway, stupid thing happened today
Decided to go camp early
So i work up early, dressed early and left the place early.
Took the first bus and ....
fell asleep and missed my stop.
Stupid thing was that when I woke up,
I thought still haven't reached yet, so i waited awhile more
until the plac seemed unfamiliar
and I went to stand up and saw the end of the bus,
had no NSmen in it. (the bus was the long deck one)
Quickly went over to the driver and asked
Me : "Have the bus passed Nee Soon camp?"
Driver : "Yea. A long time ago"
Me : " Fuck. How many stops ago?"
Driver : "Like 16-17 stops like that"
Me : " OMFG!"

Luckily the next busstop was near so I quickly alighted
and flagged the taxi
Taxi driver was crazy!
Sped through traffic (am grateful though)
and brake so suddenly, my face hit the back of the front seat (was seating at the back)
luckily managed to reach camp in time. Around 715-ish.
LUCKY!

Ok, am going to go off.
Thanks to an office colleague
Am now hooked to the Percy Jackson Series.
Am now on the third book~

2010-03-06T00:21:00.002+08:00

Cheeebye....

Knocked off from work at 5.

But had to be detained since some assholes' laptop was stolen in camp.

SIB; some investigation unit people came to do 'investigation'.

Which mainly involves us staying back very late doing nothing.

Rushed to my aunt house to get my dirty laundry and change out of uniform

Rushed to go meet a friend.

Only to find out my bank acc is dry.

Only then remembered today is the 5th of March.

Pay haven't come and my acc balance was deducted for my laptop.

Had to call and cancel the meeting.

Rahhhh.

Sian.

2010-03-03T20:09:00.003+08:00

Name: Zaiman

Date: 3/3/2010

Colorgenics Number: 70132654

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.

Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.

All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation.(my life is indeed fucked up) Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favourite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. (need I explain more?) Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself.(Damian, to name a few) You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself.

Sad, but true.

2010-03-03T19:10:00.001+08:00

Something happened in camp.

Shall not elaborate.

For once, just this once, I thought things could finally work out.

But no.

Thought back at what I did wrong.

Remembered the past.

Broke down and cried.

Fuck my life.

2010-03-02T21:14:00.003+08:00

Am back !!
After like what? 2 years since my last post!
Alot alot of things have happened these past 2 years.
Like how the resentment and hatred to what was my best friend for 8 years.
Additional and unwanted yet always there dramas in life.
and so on and on.

Am not gonna wallow in self-pity since good things do happen too.
Like realizing who my true friends are.
Graduated from NP with a good GPA.
Appeared and interviewed on TV due to excellence in past papers and schools. *ahem*
~~Gained fats~~ Developed some muscles.

Been spending the past hours just re-reading my old post from this blog and the LJ ones.

Really nice to relive back those memories though most of my post are emo ones; especially the LJ ones, since it was the honest one out of the 2.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Time to get back to the 'new' year.

*'Resolution: Keep this shit alive'*

Though it's already like March now. (time really flies now that I come to think of it)

Though am quite sad (REALLY!) that i got OOC from being a combat medic and got posted to as a storeman, life isn't really that bad. Able to meet someone special (confirm another drama gonna happen to me again. :|) and I don't really have to like train for long hours and stay in camp since my vocation is 8-5.

NS life aside, nothing interesting is happening so far. Mel's having her last sem and she's coming back to SG for good soon. Ainifique ( dunno why, was trying to minah-fied your name and that name came out first) is happily working at some design firm and is planning the overseas trip. Seriously looking forward to it. And I hope my feelings will reciprocate this time round. Though chances are really slim yet again, but what to do? Am a failure at these things.

And seriously, what's the Webding font for?

2009-03-24T13:29:00.002+08:00

cool effect.

someone teach me please.

2009-03-23T21:27:00.001+08:00

infatuation is a bitch;

'nuff said.

2009-03-20T18:34:00.004+08:00

i was bored,

so i went to crunchyroll and watch naruto shippuuden

and there's this funny clip between Tobi and Deidara

Deidara: Why are you easy-going?

Tobi: But senpai, we're trying to catch a tailed beast, yet we don't even know where it is.

Tobi: So let's just take it easy.

Tobi: By the way, what are we going to catch again?

Deidara: Sanbi da (Three-tails)! Sanbi da (Three-tails)!

*tobi starts to count with his fingers..*

Tobi: Ichibi (One-tail), Nibi (Two-tail)..

*screen focus on tobi face*

Tobi: Boku wa TOBI! (I'm TOBI!)

*the lame music starts to play*

-.l-x 10000 <<< *An attempt to draw deidara face.*

Haha.

You guys should go watch it. even funnier.

2009-03-19T18:09:00.002+08:00

after waiting for sooooo long for the game

it's finally released.

but it's so bloody difficult...

the difficulty skips like a thousand levels

after each round.

sad sad

2009-03-18T12:09:00.003+08:00

Ragh!

Dear dear ping hui (no offense or what to you du quan) requested that I update

so...

*stops and listen to the cheers of the welcoming party*

*Ahem*

From the Coxford Singlish Dictionary

we've established that Ping Hui is an

ABCDEF

know what it means?

it stands/sits for:

Absolutely Blur, Completely Deaf, Extremely Forgetful.

so true for her right?

On another note, am broke!

got a 'new' phone though

an LG KU990R

am not a phone person,

so i don't really know it its counted as new or whether its good or not

but so far, quite fun.

(new things of course fun right?)

for those who don't know.

i've unofficially graduated.

final results coming out next friday (i think)

graduation ceremony somewhere next month?

but the graduation showcase and dinner was already

done and over with

so now waiting for moolahs and enlistment letter.

currently, there's 3 1/2 movies i want to watch,

why the half you ask?

cos some people said the show wasn't that good at all

and that show refers to 'Push'

aside from that, the other 3 shows are:

My Bloody Valentine (3D version)

Watchmen

And some thai horror movie which I just forgot the title was (ian knows)

so please please please

ask me out for these movies ok?

ok, i run out of things to say

(no, not big breast damn it)

2008-12-29T09:05:00.002+08:00

i woke up at 7 this morning
wanted a fresh morning and come to school early
even though my sis somehow deleted my Dissidia save file
(bye bye lvl50 Cloud, lvl29 Sephiroth, level 30 Tidus)
I managed to remain optimistic and cheerful
so I took the bus down to school,
went on to the lab and sat down
and realized i couldn't sign in for my attendance
so i asked some other student that was there
"today school reopens right?"
and they said
"no, it opens the week after next"
...................
fuck

2008-11-25T22:13:00.003+08:00

Another boring day passed
didn't do much in school today
slept for an hour or 2
back ache like mad due to the awkward position

i guess most people don't know what i do in school right?
so i took some screenshots of the level of the game my group is making

i'm supposed to create the level for the 2nd stage; the subway
so the two pictures above are part of the city area that leads to the subway.
it's on lighted mode
while these are the fully textured version,
thanks to daryl (da-rrel) for his nice textures
(the picture quality didn't turn out good... :(( )

the textured version of the first pic

ditto as above, 'cept this is for the 2nd one.

and....
the center of the subway.
it's quite small lurh. but it will link to another subway.
will post more pictures if i remember.
(:

cheers~

2008-11-21T19:47:00.002+08:00

it seems that Ian has updated his blog,
though it was a video with lyrics
but still, i guess it's about time i update too.
((:
i kinda like the way noven and eugene blog
as in the style, so am gonna try copy it.
so don't flame me ok?

anyway, i want to rant about a certain somebody.
up till now, i've never met someone so thick-skinned and stupid and annoying and *(insert anything you wish to insert.)
even he will make someone like damian look like a level 1 noob.
at least when you ask someone to shut up or go away,
no matter how thick skin that person is,
one will at least feel somewhat sad or insulted or something
but this certain person...
do not have those feelings in him i guess.
the more u scold him and ask him to get lost,
the more he smiles and laughs in a way that even a mentally retarded kid look normal
and continued doing his annoying stuff
i used to think he's the kind of guy where he gets his cheap thrills from making people pissed
so i put on my very '/ignore' mode on,
and it didn't even work one bit.
the more you ignore him,
the more he continues doing his annoying antics,
the more you give him attention,
the more he continues doing his annoying antics,
SO HOW?!

and he's like so pathetically sad too.
it's like he has no other friends to hang out or go lunch with
so he's always calling my group leader whenever it's lunch time
like how a kid will call his mother.
and it's also sad that he watches the same video over and over again,
laughs out loud like a retarded-mentally-challenged-kid
which will now be called RMCK
and, he forces other people around him to bear and watch the vid..
even when nobody is there,
after his attempt to lure us there
he'll blast out the video loud and laugh like the RMCK he is
and to top it off, i usually play my music out for my group
with like recommendations from my group members.
and when he comes into the room and on his videos
he'll purposely raised the volume even louder than mine
like such a fucking turd right?

i thought that maybe i was the only one who had something against him
but if my WHOLE, yes WHOLE group thinks the same way too,
then it's just that RMCK!

if it ok to assault someone else,
i swear, i'll be the first one who'll make that move.

2008-10-24T02:09:00.000+08:00

.......................
I'm tortured even online...
Fuck that picture.
ARGH!

2008-10-21T13:15:00.002+08:00

For once, am blogging here in school. Here's a small update on what everyone is doing:

Xinni is still struggling doing out her level.
Chung Lam is happy that he managed to code out the weapons that Castalos wanted
Castalos, Daryl, HanMing and Byron viewing some funny shit linked on Failblog.org
Alvina doing some 3D modelling.
Weiqing programming some shit.
The 3 girls went off somewhere.
Jeremy drawing and talking to his friend...
And lastly, yours truly is taking a self-declared break and am blogging now.

Now they are asking me blast out my songs.
Lol.

Argh!
My tunnel in my level is not working.
I don't want to continue building...

And haiz, I don't know if I've did the right thing, breaking up with him...

2008-10-17T12:21:00.002+08:00

Garh, I don't know why, but you know how your heart starts to beat fast and you have this feeling of wanting to cry kind of thing? I think in malay is called 'hati rasa sebak' or something, but the main thing is that I'm so addicted to the song and the song have been played non-stop for the whole morning in school today and I'm still feeling that feeling all the way.

Haiz.

(The song is I'm Yours - Jason Mraz)

2008-10-16T23:16:00.002+08:00

I'm sure you all know about this fictional (I think) story about this guy named Dorian Gray?

I think I'm similar to him slightly, I don't look any much older than I was back in sec 1 & 2, neither did I grew taller and I hardly fall sick! Weird huh. But let me get to the point, just as Dorian could only get hurt/killed by first destroying his picture, I think my spiritual thingy or what-not that has settled in somewhere is being disturbed or something.

Why? Cos for a long time, I've never felt this tremendous pains throughout my whole body; sometimes it feels like someone is tearing my skin alive and my 'migraine' is increasing to twice daily and lasting for like a minute longer... I swear, it's so painful that I've to cry in pain; imagine Damian screaming in pain when he has leg cramps and times that by 5.

And my speech is getting from bad to worse, I'm like happening at every sentence I speak and when I try to read something in my mind, my mouth start shaking by itself.

If I'm a robot, I'll so gladly hope a scientist/mechanic can come fix me quick...

2008-10-13T00:36:00.002+08:00

I've been having problems falling asleep lately, even though I'm like yawning for like the thousand time already. Guess my brain is tired but my body isn't. And for the record, today, I've ~~cried~~ teared like 3 times today. All three were during shows that I was watching. Like my MSN nick, I'm such a sucker for those kind of shows.

I'm feeling kinda emotional now, so the following part is somewhat muddled..

I've been thinking lately, and I realized that though I have a number of friends here and there, none of them really really know about me or what I'm thinking about, secrets and etc.. Most of you only knows bit and pieces of me, pieces that I 'allow' myself to show. And I've been thinking more about it, but I can't find back the reason as to why I even put on this mask for like what, 7-8 years? I feel pain and felt like a jerk now knowing that I've been taking my friends for granted.

It's like how i used to call Damian my best friend in secondary school, but I kept secrets and lie about my daily activities only to have him find out the truth somewhere else. And I can't really remember the exact words he said but it was somewhere along the line of him feeling hurt and insulted that I didn't trust him and be honest to even like say something simple like me being gay or me going to ITE.

If I were to start from the lies and make up for it, i wouldn't know where to start. All I can say is that, I'm sorry and will be more honest about myself. And though I feel like just putting it all behind me, I keep having this burning feeling in me and it's like I just needed to let it all out . So I'm going to be like writing down old stuffs about me that I don't think I've told people before...

I hate myself so bad that I turned self-suicidal and like sadistic. I like to cut myself so I see blood and I did try to overdose myself with sleeping pills I stole from my grandmother, but my immunity system was strong or something, so I didn't really had much side effects. And people may think that I used to cut myself cos I was just depressed/rejected after a rejection, but it's more towards me hating myself. You can't imagine how dreadful it is for me to see myself in the mirror everyday. That's why I hardly go up to a mirror somewhere to like adjust my cap or shirt or whatever and also the reason why I hate to take pictures; one of the worse things to make me remember myself by.

To end of, I'm going to say two secret that people might find it offending or disgusting but I've been meaning to get it off my chest since secondary school..

I've been molested was kinda raped (not anal-y btw) in a public toilet when I was young, so that's why I kinda stay away from public toilets most of time. Even with friends, if I have to shit, I usually hold it all the way till I'm home cos I can't seem to get over that incident. That's why, in case no one realizes, I usually wait outside the toilet in crowds while my friends go in do their business.

People might have remembered me by the title of 'Land EXpedition King' due to my many times of skipping school. But don't you people find it weird how I never get caught or what? and how the hell I can managed to waste the time away all the time? It's true that sometimes, I do go for like long walks like from one side of singapore to another, but most of the time I'm at someone's house. Some random people to have sex with so as to get extra pocket money to buy things that I want but my family can never support. So usually, they are the ones that call up the school to act as my parents to say I'm not coming to school due to whatever lame reasons I come up with.

2008-10-12T21:55:00.003+08:00

School's going to start in a few hours time. Most people I know are like 'dreading' it due to having to slug it off to do work or projects, but surprisingly, I'm really looking forward to it starting. Anyway, I had a very nice day out yesterday. Was invited to Damian's birthday-slash-'farewell' celebration at the Straits Kitchen in Hyatt Hotel. It was like my first time in there and I really enjoyed the buffet-style food. For the first time, I'm eating food that can rival my mom's cooking! (I just got a very biased sense of taste.)

Company and ambience there was nice too, except the ever-so-diligent workers who kept clearing our plates and cutlery, which then I have to keep walking over to the side to get new cutlery. Was annoying when I went to take some ice-cream (funny though, they only put one scoop on a big bowl...) and came back to the table to find my spoon gone. So I had to like walk around (Damian said that the cutlery were below the counter near the plates,) only to find no spoon. So I went around and had to wait for the waiter(?) to like finish clearing another table before I asked him to give me a spoon; to which he told me to wait, and after awhile he brought me over to the other side back and gave me a new spoon. Feeling 'relieved' that I got the spoon I went back to what has become my durian soup... the ice-cream melted... So sad, was lazy to get a new scoop.

Anyway, got along well surprisingly with the addition of Dephanie to our old gang. Usual NS/DoTa/ etc.. topics came out.

And sorry, you all know how NOT a camera person I am, so there's no pictures actually. Maybe IF I manage to find some decent pictures from Damian's facebook, I'll post it up. But it will be kinda useless right since you all can see it yourself in his profile. Haha.

Anyway, stayed back after the thing to hang out with them. The usual crapping and lan-gaming. Got back home at like 10-ish and just rotted to sleep. (oh, that was after dota too btw.)